Remember the feeling you got when Samantha finally got her wish, and celebrated her 16th birthday with dreamy Jake. Well, I want to be able to celebrate the 16 week anniversary of our wait! I am crawling out of my skin. I am usually so in control. And really, that IS the problem. I feel like my life is on hold. Completely at the mercy of others whom are sooooo far away. I'm not saying that they do not care, because indeed they do care and quite deeply, in fact. It is just that I want to move on, I want to go forward, I want to proceed, I need to know and feel that things are happening. The thing is that while you are preparing your paperwork, somehow it seems that you have control over the situation. I am aware that "things" are happening, but what those things are, I have not clue. I am desperate, and nothing I do keeps my mind off of Celeste. I need to, at the very least, see her little face. I need to know she is out there, because right now she doesn't seem quite real. For those of you that have a biological child, this feels, kind of like when you are first pregnant but, have not heard the heart beat, or seen an ultrasound, or felt a flutter, or see your belly get larger, or your breasts tender...like nothing is different!
I also feel quite pathetic. I actually called Mary T. today to tell her I needed reassurance and some sort of information. I dropped the charade of calling her with any lame excuse, I cannot pretend anymore. I have lost all patience and need to be brought back to center!!!!!!!!!!!!!