Yesterday we were rescheduled to meet with Maggie and again she cancelled. I know she felt awful, and I know I should be understanding, and when I talked to her I was, however I am somewhat frustrated. The thing is that she does this for a living, so perhaps she doesn't have the sense of urgency that we do. It's kind of like when you call 911 and they tell you to calm down. You are frantic, because you don't live an EMERGENCY every day, in contrast to the 911 operator who deals with at least 15 emergencies an hour. Any way, I'm also in a sense of panic because I want to get our dossier to Ethiopia before the rainy season. It seems that the courts close during the months of August and September. I imagine our baby spending two months of the rainy season away from us...it crushes me when I picture this. Not that she won't be well taken care of, but she won't be home with us.
I heard a story on NPR, during This American Life, about these two men who went through an open adoption. The one telling the story described the moment in which they took the baby home from the hospital. He had envisioned this amazing scene, but the reality was dreadful. It got me thinking...and picturing our baby's mother. I feel for her. I feel lots of things for her. I feel rage against the world for allowing poverty for forcing her to give up her child, for the fact that she is a casualty of the imbalance of wealth..and for so many things, I can't begin to list them all. We have a child that we were able to keep... We will have her child and and we will keep her well. We will love her, and kiss her and raise her to be a caring adult, not just for those around her but for all the world's people. We will honor her culture and ours and we hope that one day mothers aren't forced to give up their children due to poverty.